There is just one thing that I would change about my life in the country.
I love my neighbors, I love the quiet, I love the darkness, I love my big backyard.
I don’t love the internet.
Or should I say, I don’t love the lack of internet. Because my friends – it’s sorely lacking.
Here’s our problem: we live in the middle of nowhere and our closest neighbors are almost half mile away.
Because of those two geographical impediments, the Big Wigs at ‘High Speed Internet Headquarters‘ have decided that the information super-highway ain’t coming to my house.
Bummer.
It’s okay, I’ve come to terms with it. I know it’s not personal, they’re just being good capitalists. And I like capitalists.
So what’s a blog loving girl living without high speed internet to do?
The same thing you would do — We pay an arm and a leg for a satellite dish.
(Actually, it might be two arms and a leg. Cha Ching!)
Honestly, I have been pretty content with our satellite solution. It’s not the best, but I figure it’s better than nothing. And I’ve been grateful for better than nothing.
That is, I’ve been grateful until this past weekend. Unfortunately, all my amiable, c’est la vie! internet attitudes came crashing down on Sunday night.
You see on Sunday night, I was sent to Internet Detention.
That’s right ladies and gentleman, I’ve been grounded by the internet.
Unbeknown to me (since I obviously didn’t read the terms of service before I checked the little box saying that I had read the terms of service) my satellite internet provider has LIMITS on how much of internet you’re allowed to be using.
They don’t want people to be getting ‘all foot loose and fancy free’ with their slightly-better-than-dial-up-service. And when I naively tried to email some rather large pictures I crossed the verboten internet usage line.
Yup, that’s right. I used up the internet. And do you know what happens when you use up the internet?
The incredibly overpriced satellite internet provider punishes you in the most wicked way possible. The laugh at you and mock you and then down grade you to the sloooooowwwwwweeeeessssssttttt connection speed they have.
Trust me, it makes a sloth look ambitious.
Ladies and Gentleman, I’ve been given an internet Time Out. Therefore I’m going to head to bed and repent of my wicked, internet hogging ways.
Lord have mercy on my soul.
{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
HA HA HA HA! I’m sorry for laughing at your punishment, but… Who ever reads those “terms of agreement” anyways? Naughty, naughty Sharon.
PS I like capitalists, too!
OMGosh, I’m sorry for you, but this is HILARIOUS! Internet detention…what a hoot!
You made my night.
Oh no! I guess the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Everything else about country life sounds grand, but this would be a bummer!
Oh no! That’s horrible. I complain about a lot of things in Europe, but my internet connection is not one of them. You should come on over…we’re super fast and super cheap (relatively to other Swiss things)! We’d love to have English speaking neighbors!!!!
Good luck getting out of time out.
What a howl!! Not for you, but for us. I can not even stand when I am at my mom’s and there is dial up – so slowwwww. I think I would die. Now remember when in a time out you are supposed to think about what you have done wrong – LOL!! Keep doin’ it wrong girlfriend! We love having you here!
Sharon. I am just apalled. I don’t know if we can be friends anymore.
hee hee hee.
Oh no I feel for you! I hope you get off detention soon, don’t they know you have an eager blog readers??? Hope you get it sorted out.
Aw, man! That really stinks! Hope you get things worked out quickly! Tell them to visit your website and read these comments. They’ll HAVE to restore your quicker connection speed, right? I hope so!!! Mr. (or Ms.) satellite internet provider, you can’t do this to us!
Oh I’m sorry, that’s a bummer. I always think how much I would love to live in the country. I forget about those type of problems. Hope it gets fixed.
I casted a Sunshine Award on you!
http://www.thefrugalbug.com/2010/02/my-first-blog-award.html
Could be worse. They could have sent a nun to your house to whack your knuckles with a ruler.
I wouldn’t put it past them… that might be their second line of defense!
I’m e-mailing this link to my 14-year-old who is on iTouch detention and maybe he can come up with a humorous outlook.
Or maybe I’ll just keep it to myself. Who likes a mom who rubs salt into wounds?
Sounds like you’re coping with a smile on your face.
oooh! that’s a good one. Technology detentions are the worst. Hope your son survives the withdrawal!
bummer, I am such a city girl that I don’t think I could ever adjust but it would be good for me! Last weekend we went to my parents lake house and there is no internet there and it was actually kinda nice, so much free time. The internet is good and bad isn’t it.
I am seriously laughing out loud, but only because I too, live in the boonies. I too, spend a majority of my time “Fapped” ( the nifty word my internet provider bestows upon us rule breakers)
The more user friendly term is, Monopolizing all of my bandwidth lol.
I do it quite often, and spend a good amount of time shaking my fist and cursing at my monitor.
So, you are in good company
You want to know my biggest kick in the teeth was? The phone company FINALLY after years of checking back periodically put High Speed Internet out in my area. Meaning, I could finally get rid of my satellite and have unlimited high speed through the phone company.
Talk about HEAVENLY bliss. So we set an appointment for them to come out. All excited. I’m already having a Adios Satellite party in my head. They come out, start trying to set it up and find out that the reach of the high speed ends right before my house. My family that live a half a mile down the road from me can get it, but it ends there. So basically everyone that lives around me can get it, BUT me. I’m the only one that can’t.
So, if I lived half a mile closer to the main road, I’d be living it up in unlimited high speed right now. Now, that’s irony.
OH NO! The cruel, cruel, cruel world! I think I would have laid down and just cried ’til there were no tears left. And then I would have gotten myself a trench digger and started laying the line for that last half mile… Or I would have clung to the knee of the phone man for three days, draggin around behind him until HE dug the trench himself.
So close, yet so FAR. Definitely one of life’s cruel ironies. I feel for you my friend!
(and very relieved to know that I’m a Fapper. We should start a club…. Fappers of the World UNITE!)
HAHAHAHA! Sorry had to get that out of the system. Don’t worry. I got cable and my fiance has got has grounded from the internet. That SUCKED! But they didn’t slow down our internet.. no that would be the nice thing to do. They kicked us right off. I had to beg and plead and then put my fiance on the phone with them. Once he got through to them how badly I would make him pay they kindly gave us a slap on the wrist and turned our internet back on.