Happy Mother’s Day!

The world from the eyes of some second graders:

Why did God make mothers?
- She’s the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
– Mostly to clean the house.
– To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
- He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
- Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
- God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
- God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
– They had to get their start from men’s bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mom?
- We’re related.
- God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s moms like me.

What kind of a little girl was your Mom?
- My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.
– I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
– They say she used to be nice.

What did Mom need to know about dad before she married him?
– His last name.
- She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
- Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your Mom marry your dad?
- My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
- She got too old to do anything else with him.
- My grandma says that Mom didn’t have her thinking cap on.

Who’s the boss at your house?
- Mom doesn’t want to be boss, but she has to because dad’s such a goof ball.
- Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
- I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What’s the difference between moms and dads?
- Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
- Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
- Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power ’cause that’s who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.
- Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your Mom do in her spare time?
– Mothers don’t do spare time.
- To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your Mom perfect?
- On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
- Diet. You know, her hair. I’d diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?
- She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I’d get rid of that.
- I’d make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it not me.
- I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

Photo by Mimi Haydon